If you’ve been following the posts from the past week, you’ll know I don’t place much hope in the effectiveness of mentoring circles, “buddy” systems, or a general “open door” policy. But that doesn’t mean that associates can’t get assistance.
Contrary to popular belief, the ideal mentor doesn’t have to share your personality; you don’t have to both love sports or food or a particular TV show; he or she doesn’t have to be close to you in age. Instead, the ideal mentor is a partner or senior associate who really loves to mentor and who has the time and patience to do so. The defining quality is EMPATHY. Someone who actually can see the world through another’s eyes. These people exist. They are rare, because the boiler room conditions and pressures of working at a law firm are such that the types of personalities that make partner are generally not those of kind, empathetic individuals who take a vested interest in your personal growth and development. That said, there are exceptions. There always are.
So how do you find this ideal mentor? Unfortunately, the most effective way is to simply be staffed on a case with him or her. When associates start work, they hear rumors from more senior associates about which partners are good to work for, and which ones aren’t. But in general, at least when you first start out, you don’t choose the partner; the partner chooses you. More on staffing next week.
Let’s say that you haven’t found the ideal mentor yet. You think about all the cases that you’re staffed on and you don’t think any of those partners fit the profile I just described. Out of luck? Nope. Even the most ornery partner usually has a human side. You just have to figure out when it’s exposed. Here’s my secret: Mentoring occurs best in the middle of the night. You’re working side by side with a partner, and it’s already 10 pm. The staff have gone home and it’s just the two of you. For some reason, the night strips away the formalities, the hierarchies, the appearances. For a few hours, you and the partner are just two human beings, striving to obtain the same objective of finishing a brief or finalizing a contract, and then going home. Shoes have been kicked off, sleeves rolled up, and Chinese take-out ordered. No phones are ringing, no client e-mails pinging the BlackBerry, no distractions. During these rare moments, the partner is more relaxed, more approachable, less “partner-like.” These are the moments that partners recount their own associate experiences, thank you for working so late, and if you’re really lucky, offer a glimpse of their own personal vulnerabilities and doubts. Those are the moments to ask questions and receive advice. But one note of caution: if it’s a partner that you can relate to only during brief moments in the middle of the night, just remember that, when you’re back at work the next day, he or she will still be a partner and you’ll still be an associate.
